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This is a reunion year for my high school class back in Upstate New York, and a pretty significant one at that. So all the plans have been made, dates have been set, reservations made for the big dinner on Saturday night, even a live band made up of fellow classmates. It looks to be a wonderful night and weekend for all attendees. All that's left to do is for my classmates to send in their checks for all the events and then let the party begin.
I would dearly love to go to the Reunion and take my DF, but I can't because we simply cannot afford to go. *le sigh* And I posted as much on the class Facebook page. Next thing I know I have several people contacting me trying to figure out a way to get DF and I to the events.
Unfortunately there are some sad truths in our lives. I am disabled and live on $710 a month and $117 in Food Stamps. (They have a different name for Food Stamps now, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program or SNAP. But everyone will always call it Food Stamps.) DF is unemployed and so just get Unemployment. D and M are now married and they are both Disabled so they get SSDI. All told if the total money coming into this household is over $4000, I will be totally surprised.From that we have to pay rent, electric, water/sewer/garbage, gas, phone/internet, cell phones (our lifelines), and recycling. After that we buy groceries (thank the Gods for Food Pantries). And if there's anything left after that we get stuff we want and I make a payment on my college class. I'm sure most of you are saying that you have many of the same bills. True, but most you probably also have a decent job that pays a living wage (unless you work at Walmart or some other low paying business) that lets you pay your bills in full and gives you more disposable income at the end of the month. I'm constantly in the red with my checking account. I'm just glad the bank lets me have Overdraft Protection.
So, knowing all that, when I say I can't afford to do something I mean it! It is just out of the realm of possibility! But then to have people wanting so much to help us go to the Reunion was very overwhelming for me. As I was telling DF about the offers I started to cry so much that I was overwhelmed by emotion! I literally could not speak for several minutes! The problem with all these offers of help, they were Just for the Reunion events. Okay... umm... we'd need a way to get to New York from Kansas (round trip), a place to stay, and a vehicle for the weekend to get from the hotel to the events. Unless they would all be included in the package, it is just not possible. So as generous as the offers were I very sadly still had to turn them down. (Though if they wanted me there bad enough I'm sure someone would start a fund for plane tickets, a hotel room, and a rental car from Enterprise (plug!) for us. While it would be nice to think they might do that, I'm not expecting it to happen.)
The thing that struck me about the offers of help is that it has always been extremely rare for people to want to help me out of the goodness of their heart. I've always been the one helping. It's very hard to accept help, even when you need it, because it strikes a blow at your pride and makes you feel emotionally vulnerable. Not a very comfortable feeling for many people.
If we had had a way to get to NY State, had a place to stay, and had access to a vehicle then I would have taken folks up on their offers because I am not so proud to insult someone's offer of help. I wouldn't want it done to me, so I won't do that to someone else. That's just rude! But with our family finances as they are, to just go off for a weekend would be wrong on so many levels. Especially since were planning to move back to NY State in the near future. We just need to save money...... somehow...... to pay for the move. Plus, if DF & I Had gone to NY for a weekend, D & M would have been POd at us for several weeks Because of the plans to move back, and because They would have wanted to come, too.
